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Notes to my future self

As we prepare to say farewell (or good riddance) to 2020, I realised how blurred my memory of historic events has already become.

On the 15th March we worshipped in St Chad's - All Age Worship in the morning and a Communion service in the evening. We were already aware of the rise in infections and the risks associated with shaking hands and sharing the common cup. On the 17th March came the Governments announcement of the suspension of public gatherings, including worship, and so on the 18th March I did Morning Prayer on my own, accompanied by my phone connected to Facebook - my first livestream - and the following Sunday, 22nd March, I did a livestream on Facebook in the morning and Faith and I joined in the National Prayer initiative, again on Facebook.

The following Wednesday, 25th March, Faith and I began livestreaming Morning Prayer on Facebook each week and Trev uploaded videos for our Sunday worship on the 29th March. We produced videos for Palm Sunday (5th April), Maundy Thursday (9th), Good Friday (10th) and Easter Sunday (12th). Those first attempts were quite clunky - often we relied on creating a playlist of videos with talking head segments and using music from outside sources. when they worked, they were fine, but sometimes it was hard to know whether we were following the service in the right order and so it was occasionally disorientating.

I began exploring for alternative solutions and came across a package called OBS. On the 26th April, Faith and I livestreamed an informal Evening Worship on YouTube; praying and singing live. This certainly started our move towards trying to encourage interaction with comments and responses.

Steve, Trev and I shared out the Sunday services and I also uploaded a term's worth of Collective Worship for the Schools. On Trinity Sunday, 7th June, I attempted a "live" Morning Worship over Facebook and YouTube - I recall that YouTube didn't work live, although there is a recording of the service there. By the 17th June I was using Restream to allow me to stream simultaneously over Facebook and YouTube, which allowed the maximum of interaction live whilst still allowing people to watch on catch up if they wished. I had also migrated to the use of Ecamm Live, which I found more slick than OBS.

Steve and Trev finished their curacies over the June and July, and so I took over producing the bulk of morning services (although we included as many other voices as possible) and led these live or uploaded to cover the summer months and some leave during August.

By the 30th August there had been changes made to the Government's guidance and so we arranged for an Evening Prayer in Church with Zoom and Google Meet running. I had imagined half a dozen or so would come (those without internet connection) and so arranged some chairs in the side chapel - socially distanced, of course. I was surprised to have 20 people there - about as many as we could safely seat. We planned to have Evening Prayer (although we morphed into Evening Worship) on the 1st and 3rd Sundays of each month.

On the 29th September we had the Memorial Service for Joyce Hughes, and so it became important to mark out socially distanced seating in the main worship space, and so we moved from the side chapel to the main space once we had set up the building and planned for entry and exit, cleaning and so forth as we went. As we become assured of how to work in Church we planned for All Saints, 1st November, with a Morning and Evening Worship (kindly led by Jacquie, Adrian and Matthew) as it was the end of half term. This arrangement allowed for the difficulty in others livestreaming. Afterwards, we realised the pressure on wiping down surfaces with two services on the same day, and so we revised our plans for later months accordingly. However, by the 1st November the Government had already announced plans for what we called Lockdown2 to begin on Thursday 5th November which suspended our worshipping in Church for a period. We were caught between a rock and a hard place; wanting to set an example of following the Government guidance even if it meant going without for ourselves, and wanting to continue to meet and encourage each other. It was clear from conversations that some were finding lockdown and the restrictions were taking an enormous toll on their mental well-being and resilience.

The relaxation of some restrictions on the 3rd December meant that on the 6th we were able to meet again for Evening Worship.

Outside this cycle of being live online for Wednesdays and Sundays it should also be noted that a group of us (following the introduction of the 'rule of six') began to record songs and hymns on the 2nd June, a Tuesday morning. This had to move to a Tuesday afternoon so that we could have some shade as we sang, and then when the rules were clarified we were able to move into the building, recording singing in the worship space from the 5th October. This provided recorded versions to use online, at Evening Worship and also at Memorial Services and Funerals.

On the 31st March I had a Skype call to Liz at Olive Tree House and that began a pattern of a Tuesday afternoon Skype with Olive Tree House and Rose Garden. Some weeks there would be little to talk about, but on others the residents wanted to talk for much longer. It was actually a real pleasure to get to know some of the residents far better than had been possible doing a short service in a lounge with all the noise and background. I have discussed family, travel, cars, knitting as well as shared tears and tried to help remembering by searching the internet to find missing pieces of stories and people.

We end 2020 in Tier 3 here in South Glos but with news of a vaccine starting to be rolled out. We are trying to keep a rolling two month plan for our worship so we can have an idea of where we will be, but allow for rapid amendments if needed.

(A little bit late for) World Mental Health Day

I saw some great and helpful posts about world Mental Health Day back on the 10th October. I wanted to record for myself the things which I am finding helpful and not helpful for mental well-being as we pass 7 months of COVID restrictions, and with no sign of a letting up for the foreseeable. These things, I think, are true for me under normal circumstances but the pandemic has created a hot-house environment of issues and challenges which have heightened the need to be aware of these things.

We have been very fortunate. The three of us have rattled along well, enjoying time together; watching some culture on the internet and TV. Distance from wider family has been a burden, but thanks to technology we have been able to regularly video chat.

Since lockdown began in its most restricted form in the middle of March we have tried to exercise every day. This is easier for me, based from home. I think I have only missed about 12 days of running (and on some of those days we deliberately did not run so we could go for a longer walk). I have missed parkrun - not just the running but the camaraderie (and the regularly updated statistics and progress against challenges) - more than I thought, even if Saturday is usually the one day we wouldn't need an alarm.

Productive and meaningful work helps - what it must be like for some of those we are not so blessed, I can hardly imagine - even if there are days when there is too much, and others where it has been so complicated my head has hurt (learning how to edit video from multiple camera and audio sources!). Having the feedback from the Church family, and wider community, in response to our efforts to stream services and prayer times has been a real encouragement. The flip side of this is that it has taken a lot longer than I had imagined to want to use my cameras for my personal creative outlets. My birthday present was photography based, and has given me a very satisfyingly different way to work. Slowing down in creativity has been restorative in that sense. (If you've noticed one or two of my recent images on Instagram, you'll understand what I mean).

The learning of new skills has also reduced my energy levels in terms of reading. I finished some good books that had been on the half-read pile for too long, and have taken a new book quite slowly. I have, however, been uplifted by being able to browse my art books - finding those images which are, in some way, profound and then trying to work out why.

We made a concerted effort to increase our healthy eating with fresh produce, thanks to M and S food hall in walking distance and an excellent farm shop which delivered even when we couldn't get a supermarket delivery for love nor money (not playing the key worker card for either of us), and so trying to increase the recipe repertoire has been good for me at least. I'm so glad I made the effort to make my own sourdough this time last year, as baking my own bread a couple of times a week has been very good, even if supplies of large quantity flour bags was touch and go at times.

The big negative for us has been the curtailing of travel. Plans for travelling to the Silk Road and also our summer break along the Wild Atlantic Way in Ireland in the camper both had to be postponed for next year. Normally I find the planning therapeutic over the winter months; writing up a journal of destinations and places to see or photograph along with all we would need to know so we don't need to worry about wifi too much, especially when abroad. But at the moment, that is one life-giver which doesn't seem to be working for me.

I do find that being able to visit a gallery, go to an exhibition or a concert, or enjoy a sneaky meal out really restorative. Most of those things have been off limits since March. A lot of venues put some of their past performances up on YouTube which allowed us to catch up on some really good plays, but we would often go up to London for places like the Tate or Royal Academy and although London is open, the whole journey up seems a bit too much to take on at present. Being aware of this means I know I need to focus attention on to other things to make up for the gap.

 

When strange seems every day

I livestreamed our Morning Worship again this morning. Even though I have been fortunate to have colleagues who have shared the main part of editing and uploading, and also have those who are willing to contribute, this strange world of virtual church now seems normal. I have lost count of how many services I have done like this.

My habit previously was to be up at Church around an hour before the service; with setting up, getting ready and chatting to folks on the way in there was sixty minutes worth of activity. From time to time there would be some catastrophic technical hitch and there would be a bit of a panic, but the service would go ahead without a laptop or PA system or whatever had packed up that day.

Now I find myself getting ready well over an hour before the service (whilst conveniently remaining at home) only to find that bit only takes a few minutes. This then leaves for a long period of waiting before being able to start streaming and (deep sigh of relief) see that it is working. We have had glitches with YouTube - but there is no way to communicate out that there is a problem. This time now actually feels quite "stage-frighty".

I do love that we can interact; greeting each other as we log in, or chip in during the prayers. This feels really healthy and what Church ought to be like.

They say that you can discern an organisations values by seeing what is actually values (as opposed, for example, to reading the waffle on a web-site) and so I am really proud of our Church Family here for whom togetherness has proved to be really important and simplicity is a good thing if it allows for that togetherness.

But this process of streaming Sunday and Wednesday mornings will continue as the new normal - the complexities of returning to using our Church building currently outweigh the seeming benefits and there seems minimal desire to do so at present.

Lockdown and the new normal

It take some effort to quite remember what day it is and how many weeks we are in to lockdown, even as it begins to ease.

We have run every day (except one) and so I do know that this morning's non-parkrun was #9 (edit - I now realise it was #11! Totally lost track of the weeks). That has been a real blessing - to be able to get out every day and feel something at least has been achieved. It took some time for my stretching routine to catch up with the increased demand, but all good now.

I have slowed in my rate of reading books - I finished the ones which had been hanging around half-read for a while, but am keeping going. We also set out to enjoy some of the theatre being shown on YouTube, and have really valued that (especially being able to spread a Shakespeare over a couple of evenings and enjoy a longer interval if needed).

I intended to invest time in working on my photography. The demand for videos has meant my cameras have been very busy, but my time to do my own thing has been minimal. It felt like I almost broke my brain at one stage learning to edit video on the hoof and cope with the demand for uploads, and so I am not sure I have the capacity to do the same in learning how to use music creation software such as Ableton Live - as much as I'd like to.

Had times been how we expected a couple of months ago, I would by now be on my second week of three month Extended Ministerial Development Leave but there's not much point being away if you can't be away. Plans on hold and my trip to the Silk Road postponed for now. Likewise, the campervan trip to Ireland has been put back to 2021 as we don't know if and when campsites will be reopening.

There has been real encouragement in seeing the resilience in the Church Family and in the continued commitment within the town to support those in need through Foodbank. I was really touched to receive recognition from the Town Council, although the other recipients seem far more worthy!

I realised early on that in some of the on-line services and prayer times we led I would say something about really looking forward to being back in our Church building (a familiar location) alongside the Church family (a familiar group of people) worshipping together as we are accustomed, but that isn't going to happen for a long time, I fear. I read recently about how crisis accelerates change, and so this has to be the opportunity to make something new. We miss the intimacy of being together, but we also value the porous boundaries on-line Church life has brought about. This also brings about a host of challenges - for example, how to grow disciples in an on-line environment? There are quite a few things that need to be thought about quite carefully. Even if some of us are allowed back into the building, how do we take everyone (even those who need to continue to be careful about the virus) with us? How can we do this with limited resources for expenditure on equipment for live-streaming, and the limited technical resources of skills to film, edit, publish and so forth?

I am aware of how well (comparatively) Schools have coped with the rapidly developing scene. This has been aided significantly by a strong sense of the values and this has allowed quick decision making. I am not sure we are quite so sharp on these. There's still much to do, and I am aware that the 5" pile of paperwork that seemed to be incredibly urgent up until the middle of March has been untouched since. There is a sense of relief in that, but also an awareness that priorities might move on from simply keeping going.

We are safe and well, so there is much to be thankful!

Living (in) history

People have joked about not knowing what day it is, as one lockdown day merges pretty much into every other. The pattern of Church life, at least in terms of Holy Week and Easter, has meant this has not been much of a problem. However, looking back over the last few weeks they have blurred into one. Previously unthinkable 'social distancing' is now the norm for outdoor interactions. The pile of papers on my study floor which, up until a matter of a weeks ago, were all either urgent or overdue, have remained untouched and may well hit the recycling bin before any great purpose comes of them.

I needed to make a note in my journal this morning of a bit of a timeline for me of these last week. We are living in a history that will be long remembered but the details of which seem soon forgotten as their enormity is normalised into routine.

We met in Church together on Sunday 15th March for All Age Worship and then later for an evening Holy Communion. By the 17th we had been told to avoid gatherings, and so on the 18th I did Morning Prayer from the side chapel over Facebook. and then on the following Sunday, 22nd March, I did a short "solo" service in the morning from St Chad's. That day had been nominated as a National Day of Prayer, in response to which Faith and I did a live time of prayer on Facebook, lighting a candle as a sign of hope.

We were then given guidance to effectively close the Church buildings for public worship and private prayer. Faith and I led Morning Prayer on the 25th from home over Facebook and Trev had uploaded videos to create a Sunday morning service via YouTube for Sunday 29th March. Faith and I led a Facebook live Morning Prayer on the 1st April.

On the 4th it would have been our monthly Prayer Breakfast, so we hosted that using Facebook live and Zoom simultaneously.

I had been working on a series of YouTube videos for Palm Sunday (5th), Maundy Thursday (9th), Good Friday (10th) and Easter Sunday (12th) with a Monring Prayer on the Wednesday 8th on Facebook.

It has been a slightly hairy learning curve, especially on Facebook where it is live, so there is no re-take or edit possible. The Sunday morning from Church taught me that using the forward facing camera reverses the image and also Facebook seems to prefer portrait for video (who makes videos in portrait!!??!!) so it is far too easy to end up with a back to front and rotated by 90 degrees video.

The YouTube videos are less interactive, but there is time to shoot a retake and the software allows editing to get a better image and scene. I have developed my set up quite rapidly on this, noting that capturing consistent audio is tricky - I found another microphone in a cupboard, so I will give that a test. I think I have found a workable pattern of settings for my cameras and a workflow for getting the videos done and uploaded.

The final technical thing which still needs work is lighting. Doing these recordings in the house or garden gives very limited options of space and available light indoors is not enough usually for decent video. Thankfully, we have a good LED light which helps.

Content is still something that needs careful thought. Am I trying to recreate a service in Church, or offer something different? For example, on Easter Sunday I relied on being able to use video conferencing to record conversations with the rest of the team rather than have a traditional sermon slot. I think this worked well. It was good to have other voices and faces on screen too.

I am hoping to take some downtime after Easter to catch up and think about what might be a sustainable model of doing this for the next few months until lockdown is relaxed in some way.