I have continued my practice of using a Bullet Journal, despite holding loosely to any particular style each month. I am valuing the tracking of whether I am satisfied each day with my overall mood, with the exercise I have undertaken, and whether I have eaten sensibly. A simple dot or no dot for whether I am satisfied with each is enough. I did ponder a scale out of 10, but I'm not sure I would gain enough from that.
This month I wanted to use the Monthly Log slightly differently. I want to track more of the connection between emotional and tiredness levels and different meetings or events in my diary. Therefore, I am simply putting a line (blue or green, depending on the type of event) roughly in line with the times I have added across the top of the page. It became immediately apparent that the length of the event or meeting does not necessarily correspond directly with my emotional or energy levels before or afterwards.
For example, yesterday I had the enormous privilege of preaching at Choral Evensong in Winchester Cathedral, as well as licensing an old friend to a new role in the Cathedral community. I had invested quite heavily, in terms of energy, in writing the sermon, getting a sense of its length, and editing it numerous times. The service itself demanded I concentrate and focus. Afterwards, I was inevitably tired, but I also had a strong sense of satisfaction that I had done the job I had been asked to do.
In recent weeks, I am aware that I had a meeting I had been dreading, but which went far better than I had feared. As a result I felt a degree of being energised. I also had a meeting which went well, but afterwards I was absolutely done. I had been concentrating and focussed for 90 minutes or so, but I realised after the meeting that some of those involved were people I find can be a little unpredictable, and so I was also trying to gauge the temperature of the room, as it were. That is probably something I need to learn to deal with better - hence the desire to track these things.
I haven't worked out how best to record the energy levels post-meeting. I will probably have to note them down long hand until I reach a point where I can categorise them more clearly. I also need to have means of recording those things which boost emotional and energy levels. This is important for me as, in may ways, I am still trying to work out the elements which contributed to me sense of being completely wrung out by ministry by the end of my time on Bristol back in 2021. Certainly, the lockdown effect which made ministry both more challenging and more isolating played a significant part, but others coped.
I know I am learning some valuable lessons. I am coming to accept that some problems are simply "intractable". That is, there may be a solution - it is just not clear what it might be yet. Therefore, there is merit in chipping away carefully and steadily without feeling any sense of failure for not having solved that problem today.
I am enjoying getting out into the warmer mornings for an early run or walk, if possible. I am enjoying the range of opportunities I have for ministry in my current roles, but I also enjoy the occasional morning when I have no meetings and I can prepare for the days ahead, or simply read.
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