a blog by howard jameson @ gatheringgrace.org

The pursuit of happiness

Fascinating chapter in the book...

"The Whisperers: Private Life in Stalin's Russia" (Orlando Figes)

...concerning the mood in Russia in the 1930s as the awareness began to grow of something awful happening "now", and yet being masked in peoples' consciences by the prospect of the future, the "yet to come". The promise of future glory would appear to be used by those who encourage suicide bombers or exclusive sects - more or less anything can be justified in terms of the future benefit for the many. The Soviet regime under Stalin was undertaking change on an unprecedented scale - communal living to remove bourgeois family protectionism for example, and the promise of the golden future just around the corner satisfies, for a time at least, the cravings of the poor for change. The capacity for living with terrible conditions for delayed gratification is amazing.

I was going to try to make some comment drawing a parallel with our own struggles; living in the "now" and yet trying to be part of the "not yet", and the need to be sure that we are doing this in the right way and for the right reasons, but just at the moment I feel that anything I could add would feel inappropriate when based on the real sufferings and stories of people. I therefore leave this post simply in tribute to the human spirit and capacity for living through and coping with terrible conditions.

Annual Meetings

So I have finished my three obligatory Annual Parochial Church Meetings. Strangely for an organisation so focussed on matters of religious practice the C of E insists I complete all mine before today, 30th April. With the date of Easter bumbling backwards and forwards but generally around early April, and then the need for a break, it then becomes a stupid all-consuming-but-never-finish-anything-properly marathon, for which last night was merely the icing on the cake. (I have heard of one Church which is able to hold its APCM before Easter, but I have never been in a Church where the accounts are in the correct and examined state required for this to happen).

Does anybody else find low energy light-bulbs a nightmare? Is it just the lack of light or is there something in the quality of it as well? We have low energy bulbs in the hall, and I'm sure that made everything feel a bit down hearted before we even began. When people's faces are in semi-shade it is more difficult to see their reactions.

We had a big discussion about workloads of our Churchwardens, or rather we had a discussion about what I should have done about Churchwardens' workloads. The suggestion to add the role of Deputy Wardens to share the load around was made (still no volunteers, mind you). We then discussed a tree issue and our excellent remaining Churchwarden explained that she had done nothing on this due to workload.

"Any volunteers to help resolve this?"

Still no volunteers. I did point out that it is impossible for me to simply magic somebody out from under a blanket - somebody, somewhere, somehow needs to say yes...or rather somebody who has suitable experience to do the job we need doing.

We discussed money, or more accurately we discussed what I should have done about money. Nobody volunteered to give more, I probably ought to add for clarity's sake.

So I sit here this morning with a tense muscle inside the back of my neck on the left hand side.

The Contemplative Pastor (part i)

I came across my copy of this book by Eugene Peterson recently...

"The Contemplative Pastor: Returning to the Art of Spiritual Director" (Eugene H. Peterson)

...and I guess the homemade bookmark about halfway through indicates that I didn't finish it. So I am starting it again and hope to use it to stimulate some thinking about role and priorities. A couple of thoughts before I begin.

• Although he is not from an Anglican background Peterson gives what, for me, is a quote that should be tattooed onto the foreheads of every Priest in training when he warns of the expectation that we "...will sprinkle holy water on our culture's good intentions".
• I love the story of Peterson's own Church. Basically he planted a Church and it grew and grew, but he got less and less happy. Eventually he resigned - the Church elders were horrified and wanted to know why. Peterson explained that he was spending all his time with committees and finance and so forth, and therefore able to do very little actual real work of the Pastor. The elders decided to take on all the aspects of the job that were not "Pastor" roles and leave Peterson free to do the things he was called to do. (Note - this is a potted version of an anecdote - does anybody know where I can read the proper account?)
• I love Peterson's style; however, a couple of caveats
• Whilst recognising the need to be contemplative I can't help but suspect that some of the motivation in this book is trying to make sense of being a Pastor for those with a negative "e" on Myers-Briggs. This, in itself, does not disqualify anything Peterson has to say, but I came out broadly neutral on MBTI for extrovert/introvert and so I also want to use my extrovert self too (for which the strapline "leading in mission and enabling the ministries of others" seems to tick roughly the right box for me)
• I am also wary of any books and speakers who apply an important adjective (or other) to something Christian, but where that word is one that Jesus applies (e.g. "if we could sum up Jesus' ministry in one word it would be...." and then a word is added that is not found in the Gospel texts themselves). Again, this doesn't make Peterson wrong, but I am just wary.

I guess there is part of me that is my own worst enemy with regard to being contemplative (at least in the expected uses of that word). I fidget, and would often put on music (hey, I love music) rather than catching opportunities of silence. Like many Anglican Priests I study, think and pray in the place where my family live too, and there is always a phone nearby etc. I think I often find myself so disappointed at being starved of silence that I will end up doing something when it is quiet just to avoid the disappointment.

I sit here well before the time for the phone to ring on beautiful sunny morning writing (hopefully) contemplatively (at least I justify myself in terms of trying to work ideas out in such a way as they can be put into the public domain).

Money money money

I still don't think I quite "get" the relationship between church and money.

Broadly speaking we are ok here with significant corners having been turned in recent years and the freedom NOT to have to just talk about money.

We are, of course, voluntary organizations supported by the regular committed giving - no state hand outs (even though Henry VIII asset stripped the Church to subsidize royal lifestyles and armies).

Most churches I know live on the subsistence end of the scale, head above water maybe but pretty much hand to mouth. This often extends to more than simply cash, and I know churches in and outside the C of E which expect the leader to give far more than they are paid for. I'm sure you do too.

I certainly agree that we have to use the money given in the most careful and respectful way possible - it is given usually in trust that it will not be frittered away, but it can be hard persuading attitudes to change so that we might think of ourselves as a church community which invests in worship.

There are churches at the other end of the spectrum where the spending of mind boggling amounts of money on things becomes almost a badge of honour (works of art, flights to Florida or whatever the latest thing is for that style of church).

Not sure at the moment I particularly have an answer. Some points...

Giving "with strings attached" is not giving - it is bribery.

Church bank accounts out of step with the bank accounts of a typical church member are indicators of either lack of faith or lack of generosity.

Church committees which become effectively extended finance teams are anathema and should be burnt at the stake.

Can't recall exactly who said it but churches which invest in fund raising rather than promoting giving are on the wrong track (and yet we encourage churches to have imaginative fund raising schemes that we can copy).

To quote Bob Geldof on Live Aid "just give us your money"

Work enough for a day...

I don't know whether the title should have an exclamation mark or a question mark. Thereby hangs most of the problem.

An important funeral just now, and effectively I am telling myself that is enough work for today. Few things to finish and at the crematorium.

Tomorrow involves a car service but it is also a day off. That is enough work for that day too.

Wednesday is final Annual Church Meeting. Some prep required, but also energy and focus, and so I am telling myself that is enough work for that day too.

One day at a time... that is enough work for the day.

Loved the gig last night, although expecting effects of a later night to kick in soon. Possible catch up with an old friend tonight.

Clergy ailments

Fans of my frequent Facebook discussions concerning the state of my prostate will be thrilled to hear of yet another Clergy ailment I believe I am developing.

The prostate shenanigans is usually when I make a comment concerning the lack of accessible toilet facilities around the villages and, therefore, the need to pace my bladder when it comes to generous offers of coffee.

However I now notice that I get a knee twinge when I get to the top of the stairs which I put down to crouching down to the eye level of children at the altar rail to ask them how they are before giving them a blessing.

<limp> "you go on without me..."

No sympathy, comments or anything, please, as I need something to be a martyr about for my self-esteem.

Creaky boat blues...

An article that is sadly too late to go into our Annual Report...

S. said

"I've never been to a gig before by a band I haven't really listened to".

S. said

"I've never been to a gig before with a Vicar/Pastor/Church leader".

We arrived at the Good Ship Thekla and prepared to set sail...(having checked to see if there were any lifeboats)

I loved Bowles and Bailey, and their song about missing Jimi Hendrix at the Isle of Wight Pop Festival ("we'll see him another time" - Jimi dead 4 weeks later) had me in fits...

The Duke was brilliant and I sang pretty much every word!

...and it was quite an interesting venue with feet dangling from the balcony above us. He played for the best part of an hour and 45 minutes with a whole mix of songs including some stuff about the films of Hector Mann.

The second encore had the band playing acoustic a couple of feet in front of us...

What a great end to the day!

S. said

"I think that was one of the best gigs I've been to".

Diving for a pearl...

There are times when different things feel "heavier" than they should. A frequent one for me is preaching. I read the text, think and pray, and then write and edit and rewrite - I feel (as far as expectations from training are concerned) that I put the time in up front. But often I find myself like a diver holding his breath for just a few moments longer searching for the pearl that makes it worthwhile. 

I had thought and prayed about today and it had that same feeling until I had a run and some space. I needed to be honest about the degree to which my working pattern has starved me of that quality reading time - thinking and letting God's word and the educated opinions of those who know percolate. I think a significant element in my sense of not quite getting sometimes it has stemmed from this.

I cannot in all conscience allow my college years to provide me with only just material to keep me going forever (I used the illustration of the bore who dines out on a story for years). God's Word is living and breathing and needs to be treated far more seriously than that. The problem is the increasing imbalance between the public and private aspects of my role (I say my, but am writing this because I believe it is not just me) means that the careful study and preparation time become increasingly squashed - School assemblies bodged as I walk into the foyer, sermons padded with reruns of anecdotes and analogies, and the sense of a need to keep coming back to points (because that's what the people need to hear).

This morning's APCM was fine, except for the preparation work I should have done. I'm afraid there will have to be more of that if I am going to have the two-edged sword that is the Word correctly sharpened...

Vocation, vocation, vocation...

(obvious pun - sorry)

Our Clergy from the area get together was on the theme of Vocation, and covered some interesting stuff. What exactly is a Vocation? Bin Laden probably feels he is called by (his) god, and we describe others as having a "God-given talent", but Wayne Rooney can hardly be described as having a Vocation...can he?

I found myself challenged, not with a new insight, but by returning to an old one. I can try and do what I do (publicly acknowledged as being a Vocation), but can do it for all the wrong reasons. This raises the whole question of who is meant to be the beneficiary of a Vocation. Bin Laden would probably say he is doing what he is doing in order to bring liberation to the Muslim world, for example, but again that isn't anywhere near enough surely. Who holds the power in a Vocation is also important to my view. In the Old Testament those called by name as individuals usually baulk at the idea and argue with God on the basis of their speaking abilities or background and so forth.

As usual on these sorts of days the biggest benefit (IMHO) is in the opportunity to meet and talk - old friends as well as new people. We enjoyed lunch on Friday with a couple I met at such an occasion where we both stood back from a big group and then had the chance just to talk and share and be honest.

So, I am praying again for where I am, and for what I can realistically achieve here. Not for me or my reputation, but for God's glory and for the building up of something of permanence (as much as that is possible in the Kingdom) amongst the people. In this perspective there is also the liberating sense that I am here for a Vocation and then, in God's time, will move on. I am not ultimately responsible for here, and it is not ultimately about me.

Skittles tonight, then worship and an APCM tomorrow (Duke Special in the evening), then a funeral Monday and some time to reflect and think and pray and read...

McChurch

The comparison between Church and the culture of McDonalds is nothing new, eg...

"The McDonaldization of the Church" (John W. Drane)

...but reading (yes, I do read)...

"Small is the New Big: And 183 Other Riffs, Rants and Remarkable Business Ideas" (Seth Godin)

I came across a snippet about McDonalds' marketing concerns.

McDonalds (and many others, let us not forget) have based their business on the idea of something being "fast" and therefore of maximum convenience and minimum interference with or disruption to the customer's lifestyle. This style of business has grown and spread rapidly like water spilt on a tile floor, but (ditto) has seems to be run its course and isn't making deeper penetration into peoples' consciousness. Compare this with the more recent explosive growth of the Starbucks equivalents. You have to queue for even a coffee and the food is relatively simple (I have to confess that the combination of a reasonable coffee and a spicy panini doesn't do it for me), but the whole ethos of these establishments is that you are encouraged not to rush in and dash out (you can if you need to, of course), but to linger and chat, sit on a sofa (if you can get there before that large lady whose hen-pecked husband is three behind you in the queue).

I guess I prefer a Church closer to the second model here, a place to stay (and remember in Starbucks etc you aren't expected to continue purchasing in order to stay and use the wifi or read the paper).

Probably a lesson from both these is that most people buy into "the new thing" (whether it is you Mega McCholesterol Flabby Meal or your Super-Skinny Latte double shot whatever) for a time, before looking for the next "new thing" too.